the slide

*this is copied from a conversation i had with someone today. advice i was handing out because i thought she needed it, but really i needed to hear it myself.

the relationship is over.
and you don't want to love him any more.
you don't want to hate him anymore.
you just want him to not exist.
to never have existed.
just the thought of him being alive somewhere in the world makes you feel like less of a human being.

but you have to recognize that, yeah, you're not the person you were before you met him. it sucks.
all of that happened, and you're forever changed.
he's forever a part of your life, even just as a memory, a lesson, or a scar.

but you're also not the person that you were when you were with him.
that's in your past. it's not who you are.
you're a whole new person. you have new experiences, new relationships.

sometimes you want to call him. to just go back to how things were.
because even though that was a dark place, it's easy and familiar.

it's like climbing backwards up a slide.
it would be easier to just slide back down.
but you have new friends, experiences, goals, all at the top of slide helping to pull you up.

it's a fight right now. a constant, conscientious struggle.
but eventually you'll make it over the top. 

i'm not there yet. but i will be.
everyday, i make it one step closer.
and one day, i'll take my last step over the edge, and walk way.
and i'll never even think about the bottom of that slide again.