chapter two

tonight, i was feeling particularly self destructive.

so, i stalked all the people who i knew would make me sad.

and it just made me see that i'm not good at things. i don't do facebook relationship statuses, or say "i love you" in public, or know how to bridge the gap from just getting down to developing and expressing feelings, and because i'm not good at things, i've failed in most romantic ventures in the last four years.

which is, you know, fine. but sometimes just knowing that you suck at things gets you down.

so i stalked several people, and my heart hurt a little more and a little more and a little more.

and i excused myself, went into the bathroom, and said "i am going to cry about this. because it's sad, and i'm sad, and sometimes it's good to cry."

and so i sat.

and stood.

and paced.

and nothing happened.

i couldn't cry!

i stared at myself  in the mirror, and thought of every sad thing i possibly could, and finally squeezed one tear, one eensy-weensy tear, out of the corner of my eye.

then i threw my hands in the air and said "to hell with this."


and walked out.



because, i'm just not good at things.
emotion things.


and knowing that is almost enough to bring me to tears.