baby steps

so, this lemonade thing is hard. harder than i thought it would be, and i thought it would be hard.

yesterday (the end of my second day) i thought about how far in the future the end of this would be, and i nearly gave up. i literally drove (in a stick shift for the first time, but that's another story) all the way to cafe rio with a friend, when i thought to myself "do i really want this salad? do i need it right now?"

and then my mind, body, colon, what have you, were like "no. not really."

the thing is, it's only when i think about how desperate the future looks that i want to quit today. that's something that i've been thinking a lot about in reference to my life.

without disclosing too many details, i have a friend who had some really awesome, noble plans for the future, but his past was making it difficult for him to achieve those goals. because he saw only how far off his goals were, he gave up on moving forward, and fell back into some old habits.

i'm constantly afraid that this will happen to me. i think about where i am versus where i want to be, and feel so utterly hopeless, like i will never get there and it's such a long, hard road i'm facing. but if i think of this month, this week, this day, even this hour, i know what choices i need to make and i see how easy it is to make them.


so, the moral of this story is that i'm still doing the lemonade diet. and i'm not going to say i'm going to make it the full ten days, because that makes me want to give up right now. but i am going to say that i'm going to make it through until lunch. from there, i'll decide if i'm going to make it through the end of work. from there, if i'll make it to bed time. and i know i will.

i know i'll make it.