i have a lot of things to tell you!

i recently discovered that maybe my blog isn't as safe a place as i thought so i'm wary of disclosing all my thoughts and feelings (which are manifesting themselves in abundance these days, as you'll see from my very deep comments below) but anyway here they are.

1. i tripped walking up the stairs today. yes, i was wearing a skirt, and yes it was a short skirt, but no there was no one around to see it. so, kind of an anticlimactic story.

2. i just discovered that i love cauliflower?? I AM MAKING SO MANY SELF DISCOVERIES LATELY.

3. you know those people that you "can't decide" about? like you can't decide if they're attractive, or if you like them; and if you do decide, you can't decide why you decided that, like you don't like or not like them for a particular reason, or they're not attractive or unattractive for any particular feature, so you just can't decide? i think i might be one of those people. i'm just undecidedly whatever, i think. or maybe i can't decide what i think of myself. decide is a weird word.

4. i got twooooo letters in the mail today. i always hate thursdays because i get tons of spammy mail on thursdays, but today i got tons of spammy mail and two legitimate letters. they almost made me cry (except nothing makes me cry anymore, cold and dead inside or something.)

one said "you never once tried to put the spotlight on yourself or receive recognition." which is the biggest compliment ever, i can't put into words why, but it makes me feel like my heart could explode of gratitude. (it's also a counter-intuitive thing to say on my blog, where i only talk about myself, but just go with it.)

the other letter was from someone who used to be one of my best friends in the whole world. he actually introduced me to the only person i've ever thought of as "the love of my life" (note: this is no longer thought of him, but he is probably still "the only significant love of my life up to this point.") the letter had starwars stickers and words like "dude" "sup" "perspective" "da hood" "depths of humility" "low down" "purifying power" etc etc etc. He also told me to tell my brothers "WHAT UP DAWGS," and called them by the nicknames he gave them. which they still use.

boys who love my brothers are like. i can't even.

which leads me to...

5. yesterday, my mom was talking about how good my sisters boyfriance (they can't decide) is with my little brothers. and she said "he's almost as good with them as bryson was." and i was like. Gahhhh - knife in my stomach for losing the only boy who loved my brothers as much as he loved me, which is more than anyone else ever has, sooooo.

6. i get closure, i guess, by trying to force myself to have feelings for people who i was previously involved with, and then realizing that I couldn't make myself because there was a reason we were no longer involved, and then i move on, like in the middle of the swing of things, because i realize that i'm bored/unattracted/tired/whatever. I've done this with 3 out of the 4 legit-ish relationships i've ever had, is that a normal thing?

7. i guess that's all.

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