relationships are only as hard as you make them

i take things personally.

i'd like to say that i don't, but i do. i've accepted it. moving on.

for a few weird months, i dated a guy who made jokes at my expense. not "har har you're an idiot" jokes, but jokes that made me feel worthless, ugly, and unimportant.

and he would tell me "you have got to stop taking everything so personally."

and i would think you have got to stop being an ass hole.

so we sat, stagnant, in this constant struggle between who was being normal and who was actually flawed.

it felt like...we were puzzle pieces. and it looked like we would fit and sometimes it felt like we would fit. but when it got down to it, we were grinding at each others corners, trying to alter the others shape to fit our own.

who really needed to be reshaped? who really needed to change?

i realize now that it was both of us, a little bit. but mostly neither of us. he is the way he is, i am the way i am. we have personality traits that are... extreme, in some ways, but they aren't bad. neither of us were broken, neither of us were wrong. we were just wrong for each other.

he's going to find someone with the sanctifying quality of being tough skinned, and i'm going to find someone with a kinder sense of humor. then, no one will have to change. we'll just fit.


i mean, puzzles are only as hard as you make them.

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